Blissed out...

I drove to work this morning—couldn’t face the bus for a variety of reasons—and found my shoulders relaxing for the first time in months.  I also felt a burst of euphoria that has been missing in my life for a long time.  Partly, it was a beautiful, crisp morning.  The cottonwoods along the Yellowstone River blazed gold and orange and I saw several bald eagles lending their magnificence to the landscape.  The mountains have new snow and the bright blue sky with its lustrous autumn light was balm to my jangled heart.  On a deeper level, I think my recent decision has given me a peace that I’m blessed and surprised to find.  I know it’s right for me to be out of my relationship, even though it was a good one in a lot of ways, and even though I miss him and ache for his current pain.  But I feel lighter and happier.  And for now, at ease with relaxed shoulders and a light heart.  I’m sure I’ll have periods of doubt and anxiety over this in the coming weeks, but I want to remember how I’m feeling right now so I know I can feel this way again, even through dark nights.

Don't Forget

I Need:

• Stimulation
• To Adore
• To Respect
• To Laugh
• To Learn
• To Follow
• To Communicate
• To Lead
• To Be Confident in Him
• Faith
• Integrity
• To Be Respected
• Interest
• To Be Funny
• To Be Moving Forward
• Adventures
• Ambition
• Not Too Much Ambition
• Spark
• Love
• Independence
• Family
• Intelligence
• Curiosity

Quote of the Day...

"There are two kinds of taste, the taste for emotions of surprise and the taste for emotions of recognition."
--Henry James

Something to ponder.

Labor-less Day Weekend

Ah, the end of summer.  A lot of things run through my mind when I understand that today is September 1st.  Coziness.  Hell (aka -35 with snow).  Sweaters.  Jackets.  Sliding on ice & crashing.  A couple months of lovely weather for running and hiking.  Followed by the aforementioned hell.  The gradual and heartbreaking fading of the tan I've worked so hard for.  Birthday parties, great holidays, the end of feeling guilty that I didn't weed or water enough.  Barren and birdless trees.  First snows.  Cuddling. 

Hey. This is the first winter I've had a guy to cuddle with for a long time.  Maybe it won't be so bad.  Plus, he's going to teach me to cross-country ski.  My current technique involves a lot of falling.  I'm not a fan.  And I'm signed up for yoga classes every weekend and during lunch on Thursdays.  But I still don't look forward to having to put on 10 layers of clothes just to walk to the garage and back.

So, to kick off this ambivalence, we're having a weekend staycation.  Friday we're going to go spend the day in Bozeman--shop, the man's going to get a haircut, I'll hang at the mall, we'll go for a hike with the dogs, and follow it all up with dinner at MT Aleworks.  I'm really looking forward to a non-rushed day in the big city.

Saturday I'm going garage saling, to the farmer's market, and to breakfast with Aaron.  And then I don't know what, although the man wants to watch a bunch of movies.

Sunday, church in Livingston and then maybe some crafty-type stuff.  Fix a nice dinner.

Monday, the man's working, so I'm going to lounge about, read, and get to work on some Christmas presents.

Yup, sounds like a lovely, lovely labor-less weekend.  I hope everyone else enjoys their rest from toil as well.

A

My new pal

Introducing...Neeko!

What I Need...

What I need right now…


Alone time.
Time to write something for me.
Time to cook something for me.
Time to read a really good book.
Time to go thrift store shopping.
Time to sit on the porch and gaze at the trees.
Time to go for a long run followed by a long walk.
Time for crafts.
Time to work on the house.
Time to miss Billy.
Time to meditate.
Time to listen to music.
Time to listen to silence.
Time to watch a bad tv show.
Time to hang out with the dogs.
Time to go for a hike with the dogs.
Time to do nothing.
Time for me.

Happy Summer!

Summer's in full swing.  Family is showing up tomorrow for a long week of fun and relaxation.  They're going to see the new house, greet the new dog, and meet the new man.  It's going to be a good, good time.

Hope everyone's well!

Er...Hi.

So, I'm still working 2 jobs.  Still trying to get stuff done on the new house.  Still trying to be creative on some level in the few hours I have that are "free."

New things:

• Some kind of terrible imbalance where I'm hungary and irritable (watch out, Ruffers and Lucy and Mom) pretty much all the time and feel like I'm constantly ready to *snap*.  It reminds me of riding really high-strung show horses.  And my arms are getting tired from holding onto the reins.
• Still waiting to hear about a possible promotion in my job.  Keep praying.
• I've started jogging!  I'm up to about 3 miles/day, although it's been tough since we  had a horrendous snow storm last week.  Please, people: SHOVEL YOUR SIDEWALKS BEFORE I KILL MYSELF IN FRONT OF YOUR HOUSE!  Thank you.
• 2 authors whom I'm loving, loving, loving: Susan Hill and Christopher Fowler.  Wonderful mysteries!  Almost as good as my beloved Charles Todd.

That's it.  I'm so ready to go home for Christmas.  2 blessed weeks in sunny San Antonio, TX.  I feel calmer just thinking about it.  Hopefully I can get through the ensuing 18 days without killing any puppies.  Or my career.  Or my poor sainted mother.  Who I love very, very much.

Chillin in the yard

Beautiful autumn day in the backyard

The Hunter

Orion the Hunter greeted me this morning as I opened my eyes from a deep bus-coma.  He was striding across the sky above and seemed to wave to me while he continued on his journey and I smiled in recognition.  I miss him during the summer months; he's my favorite constellation and seeing him again in the fall is one of those rituals that I have come to look forward to.  But take note--it was so dark when I got to work this morning, the stars were really, really bright.

So I didn't paint my entire bedroom last weekend as I had planned to.  No, I went to Plan G.  I decided that I'd rather wait til my mom visits next summer and we can do a big decoration project on the whole room.  In the meantime, I painted the fireplace and moved in.  It's much quieter back there and I love the view from the windows.  It's the biggest bedroom I've ever had, so sleeping with that much space around me is really nice, somehow. 

I think it looks pretty good.  I'm not crazy about the blue walls, but I can live with them until early next summer.  I love my new room.

Neglect

Oh little blog, how I neglect you.  But come on.  My eyelid has been twitching almost non-stop for over a week--a sure sign that I'm 1. stressed and 2. tired.  Something has to give!  And apparently at least one of these somethings is this blog. 

Things to look forward to this weekend:

1. Watching BBC from Netflix
2. The instant gratification of tips
3. No work on Sunday!
4. Trying a new church on Sunday--the beautiful Methodist one just a few blocks and across the tracks from my house
5. Dare I say it?  Buying paint for my new bedroom!  We're going green, people.  As in, the color green.  The paint will be just plain old Valspar.  I'm cheap and am not going to shell out for the fancy enviro-friendly no-fumes stuff.
6. Perhaps start a new really good book?  If I can find one?
7. Spending some quality time with the R-Dog

That's a lot to look forward to.  And the list of things not to look forward to is neglible.  So, it's good!

Have a lovely, lovely weekend all!
Allie

Uh Oh

Last week, I was at Old Faithful and Lake.  This week, I'm attending the Science Conference in Mammoth.  Which doesn't leave any little chunks of time to write since I still don't have internet access at home.  But, it's been a doozy.

1. Working at Coffee Crossing is making me some nice cash
2. Volunteered at the Blue Slipper Theatre and their production of "Dracula"
3. Ruffers is...maybe sick.  The vet thinks there's a mass on his spleen, which could be very, very, very bad.  Aaron and I took him for a hike last weekend and I don't want to believe it, but it may have been his last hike.  He's acting fine, so I'm hoping for the best.  And am trying not to cry.
4. Went to dinner with my friend Wendy, who was visiting from Alaska.  It was great to see her--we spent a good hour talking about how hot Michael Landon was.  Whew.  Oh, PA!

Gotta run!

The Morning Grind

I know...not such an original title for this morning's post.  But come on...it's early.  And I'm talking about my new job.  Which is in a coffee shop.  That grinds its own beans.  Get it?  Grind?  Morning Grind? 

Anyway...

I like my new job--I like seeing people and the coffee shop's manager and I really like tips.  It's fun and fast-paced and the time really does blow by.  It's a bit scary b/c there are a lot of people lined up in a very small space a lot of the time and I don't know what I'm going to do when all of them order lattes and breakfast sandwiches and I'm the only one there trying to get everyone's order right.  It's not exactly high-tech there--the till is broken, the grinder is tempermental, and as my dad would say, there's not even enough room to change  your mind behind the counter, it's so little.  But it should be fun.  I'll get the hang of it, I'm sure.  I'm friendly, which is the big thing.  And my shifts are later in the day, so people hopefully won't be too grumpy.

Plus, a really good-lookin' rancher-type came in twice on Sunday.  I hope he keeps that trend going.

The downside, of course, is that the weekends are no longer my own.  Even though I'm not working that many hours, I'll still have to be there.  That'll be ok for the winter, but is definitely not going to work next summer.  So, I have until then to get a better-paying job.

As to that, I made the cert for a promotion here in the park.  The job's not mine yet, but that was a big obstacle!  Everyone cross your fingers, toes, eyes, and whatever else you got and send lots of prayers.

I spoke with Donna Cammack last night for a bit.  She's such a nice lady and made me homesick for the ranch.  She called to thank me for the gift Jessi, Emily, and I sent her after she made us the fabulous dinner last month.  She is always so happy and I asked her if she got up every morning and just looked for ways to make the day fun.  She replied that when she was first married, and there were negative people around, she decided that by heaven, she'd be  happy no matter what.  So, just out of sheer cussedness and determination, she's been happy ever since.  I like that.  I like that a lot.  She got me all caught up on community and family gossip, which I also liked a lot.

Ok.  Guess I'll go work now.  Gotta earn that promotion!

Catching Up

Last week was crazy.  I mean, really crazy.  I had an 80-hour work week in the Park and then started my second job at Coffee Crossing, which is right next to the movie theatre in Livingston.  More on that another time.

The Saturday before last, Amanda and I cooked for an entire day to get some meals in the freezer.  We pooled our supplies and grocery shopped for what we didn't have.  We ended up buying about $35 worth of food and made 10 recipes.

We made:
Chicken in Red Wine Sauce
Spinach Cakes
Peach sauce for ice cream
Crustless Pumpkin Pie
Creamy White Chili
Elk and Beef Red Chili
Turkey and Bean Stew
Meatloaf
Thai Chicken
Pork in Enchilada Sauce

My freezer is packed!  I am so stoked, although I forgot to bring something for lunch today except for some hummus and red peppers and nuts.  Dangit!

But it was a lot of fun to cook so much and it's great to look in the freezer and feel stocked up for winter.  Even though it's been in the upper 80s here all last week and weekend.  What is UP with the weather?! 

What a surprise!

I got on the bus this morning to a wonderful surprise.  One of my favorite men of all time was on the bus and sat with me for the ride to Mammoth.  Bob is 85 years old and has been working seasonally and as a volunteer here in Yellowstone every summer since the late 1960s.  He's a treasure-trove of stories and not afraid to say what he thinks.  He's a curmudgeon of the first degree, but somehow he's taken a liking to me and we have a great time.  He fascinates me because he was educated at Exeter, Princeton, and Stanford, was a WWII soldier, and worked as an engineer for a few years before he gave it all up to be a Yellowstone Park ranger during summers and a southern California surfer during the winters.  He's hard of hearing, which makes conversation tough, but I relish every moment I have with him.  If only he were...40 or 50 years younger--I'd have a huge crush.  I've seen the pictures--he was a handsome devil in his younger days!  He had to take an ambulance ride to Livingston last night (he's ok, thank goodness), which is why he was catching a ride back to the park this morning.  So, I didn't get my nap, but it was worth it to sit by my friend and gossip at the top of our voices the entire ride to work this morning.

Blah.

I'm feeling blah today.  As is the world outside.  It's been cloudy and kinda breezy for the entire day, but without any real gumption.  Even nature is feeling apathetic and listless on this September Tuesday.  I can't wait to get on the bus and slip into sweet oblivion as the dual narcotic of British BBC voices over my I-Pod and the hum and slight vibration of the bus work their magic on my eyelids.  It's only 2:30?  On Tuesday?  Ho hum.

Squirreling Stuff Away

It's definitely autumn!  The crisp light and intoxicating air makes me so, so happy.  But also nostalgic and kind of pensive.  I get really strong impulses this time of year.  I want...no, need to buy school supplies.  Even though I'm not in school and neither do I have children.  A more sensible impulse is my need to preserve foods and fill up the freezer.  I froze a bunch of strawberries, raspberries, roast beef, and chicken this weekend and reorganized my big freezer to see how much meat I have going into snow season.  I have a lot.  It's awesome in there.  I also drooled over squashes and bought apples to bake.  What can I find to put away next?

Bittersweet

This has been a generally really bad weekend.  Suffice it to say that some people are really not who you think they are.  Also, I'm looking for a second job. Which will no longer be a luxury, but rather a necessity.  BUT...thank God for family.  Aaron, Karen, & Brian soothed my jangled nerves last night, Amanda has been a rock who has seriously saved my sanity and sense of me this week, and Tom and Bonnie sheltered me for a few hours so my shoulders could "un-hunch" this afternoon.  Over the phone, my folks offered measured and much-needed advise and reminded me that "this too shall pass."  Thank you, everyone.

New Office

Gosh, it seems like all I do these days is move.  This move, though, should take considerably less time.  I'm moving into my new office today!  Yay!  I am very excited to finally have my own space, where I can close the door to make calls and I can actually concentrate while I'm editing stuff.  And I'll no longer be mistaken for the office receptionist.  These are all really good things. 

I went home last night and took Ruffers for a quick walk around downtown Livingston, looking at shop windows to see if anyone had any "Help Wanted" signs.  No one did.  But it was a beautiful evening--in the upper 60s and no wind.  We stopped at one house down the block to let a small child--maybe 2 years old--pet Ruffers.  The kid and his dad were pretty stoked and Ruffers was good about it, although he just wanted to keep going!

There was a beautiful sunrise over Mt. Everts this morning when I got off the bus.  Pink streaked clouds against a luminous pale blue sky.  Still haven't heard any bugling elk, but maybe they'll get going today.

Labor Day Weekend...AKA Lots-of-Labor-Days Weekend

Whew!  What a weekend!  Emily moved in this weekend, so it was a major push to get all my stuff out of her room and then get her room & closet painted.  It looks pretty good in there, thanks to the efforts of Amanda and Emily.  We also got the dining nook almost done--just one more coat on the trim and it'll be finis.  Yay!  I also got the living room kind of arranged...I like how it's going.

The bummer was that the toilet gave up the ghost, so I had to call in a plumber yesterday to come and do emergency repairs.  Happily, he seems to have fixed it and the bill wasn't too excruciating.  Nevertheless, I foresee a lot of quick meals in the future that come from my pantry and/or freezer--mamma's not buying anything for the next couple weeks!

Tom, Amanda, and I took down the big mountain ash in my front yard on Sunday.  Boy, that was an intense hour and a half.  A few limbs landed pretty heavily on roof and fence, but miraculously, there were no major problems--only a slightly bent gutter.  Whew!  But that was really crazy.  Tom's giving me their old wood stove, so I kept the wood for the day that I can get it installed.  Yay!  I can't wait for the warmth of wood heat!

So many people have helped me so much on the house and it's been really fun working together as a team.  I'm ashamed to admit that I haven't been very good about donating my work time in the past.  I'll chalk it up to pure selfishness and due in some part to my illness, but I hope to make up for lost time now.  I helped Manda paint her rental last night, which was actually fun--I like working as a team for these types of things.

Manda and I fixed dinner and watched the movie The Brothers Bloom on Sunday night.  I really liked that movie!  I kind of want to watch it again because I think I missed a bunch.

Yummy autumn recipe:
Saute 1 lb. of ground beef.  Drain. 
Saute 1 zucchini, 1 yellow squash, 1 onion (all sliced), 2 cloves  minced garlic, and 1 lb sliced mushrooms in the fat from the beef.
Add 1 jar olive red pasta sauce (I used some from Culinary Circle) & the beef.
Cook till warm and sauce thickens a bit.
Serve over spaghetti squash & sprinkle with Parmesan cheese.
Be prepared to feed a few people or have left overs.
Feel virtuous because you cooked a cheap meal that is healthy and tasty.