Blissed out...

I drove to work this morning—couldn’t face the bus for a variety of reasons—and found my shoulders relaxing for the first time in months.  I also felt a burst of euphoria that has been missing in my life for a long time.  Partly, it was a beautiful, crisp morning.  The cottonwoods along the Yellowstone River blazed gold and orange and I saw several bald eagles lending their magnificence to the landscape.  The mountains have new snow and the bright blue sky with its lustrous autumn light was balm to my jangled heart.  On a deeper level, I think my recent decision has given me a peace that I’m blessed and surprised to find.  I know it’s right for me to be out of my relationship, even though it was a good one in a lot of ways, and even though I miss him and ache for his current pain.  But I feel lighter and happier.  And for now, at ease with relaxed shoulders and a light heart.  I’m sure I’ll have periods of doubt and anxiety over this in the coming weeks, but I want to remember how I’m feeling right now so I know I can feel this way again, even through dark nights.

Don't Forget

I Need:

• Stimulation
• To Adore
• To Respect
• To Laugh
• To Learn
• To Follow
• To Communicate
• To Lead
• To Be Confident in Him
• Faith
• Integrity
• To Be Respected
• Interest
• To Be Funny
• To Be Moving Forward
• Adventures
• Ambition
• Not Too Much Ambition
• Spark
• Love
• Independence
• Family
• Intelligence
• Curiosity

Quote of the Day...

"There are two kinds of taste, the taste for emotions of surprise and the taste for emotions of recognition."
--Henry James

Something to ponder.

Labor-less Day Weekend

Ah, the end of summer.  A lot of things run through my mind when I understand that today is September 1st.  Coziness.  Hell (aka -35 with snow).  Sweaters.  Jackets.  Sliding on ice & crashing.  A couple months of lovely weather for running and hiking.  Followed by the aforementioned hell.  The gradual and heartbreaking fading of the tan I've worked so hard for.  Birthday parties, great holidays, the end of feeling guilty that I didn't weed or water enough.  Barren and birdless trees.  First snows.  Cuddling. 

Hey. This is the first winter I've had a guy to cuddle with for a long time.  Maybe it won't be so bad.  Plus, he's going to teach me to cross-country ski.  My current technique involves a lot of falling.  I'm not a fan.  And I'm signed up for yoga classes every weekend and during lunch on Thursdays.  But I still don't look forward to having to put on 10 layers of clothes just to walk to the garage and back.

So, to kick off this ambivalence, we're having a weekend staycation.  Friday we're going to go spend the day in Bozeman--shop, the man's going to get a haircut, I'll hang at the mall, we'll go for a hike with the dogs, and follow it all up with dinner at MT Aleworks.  I'm really looking forward to a non-rushed day in the big city.

Saturday I'm going garage saling, to the farmer's market, and to breakfast with Aaron.  And then I don't know what, although the man wants to watch a bunch of movies.

Sunday, church in Livingston and then maybe some crafty-type stuff.  Fix a nice dinner.

Monday, the man's working, so I'm going to lounge about, read, and get to work on some Christmas presents.

Yup, sounds like a lovely, lovely labor-less weekend.  I hope everyone else enjoys their rest from toil as well.

A

My new pal

Introducing...Neeko!

What I Need...

What I need right now…


Alone time.
Time to write something for me.
Time to cook something for me.
Time to read a really good book.
Time to go thrift store shopping.
Time to sit on the porch and gaze at the trees.
Time to go for a long run followed by a long walk.
Time for crafts.
Time to work on the house.
Time to miss Billy.
Time to meditate.
Time to listen to music.
Time to listen to silence.
Time to watch a bad tv show.
Time to hang out with the dogs.
Time to go for a hike with the dogs.
Time to do nothing.
Time for me.

Happy Summer!

Summer's in full swing.  Family is showing up tomorrow for a long week of fun and relaxation.  They're going to see the new house, greet the new dog, and meet the new man.  It's going to be a good, good time.

Hope everyone's well!